I am so fucking tired of living in a place where I get nit-picked for doing something different than someone else and living in a place where I have absolutely no space or privacy, and where I can’t bring my boyfriend because they think we just do inappropriate things all the time. I can’t FUCKING stand it! I’ve never felt so uncomfortable and growing up with my mom who can be considered somewhat of a hoarder and doesn’t organize anything is way better than living in a place like this. I’m so over it.
Constantly reading the news is not good for my whole perspective of the world. Like, this whole Malaysian airline fiasco scares me because it was just by chance that these people died and now, because of people’s lack of decency and complete selfishness (& extreme hatred), their bodies are lying somewhere yet to be given back to their families. What’s happening in Gaza is absolutely terrible and I can’t help but be grateful for being in the place I am. I get this anxious lump in my stomach thinking about it all, and I don’t know if that is me growing up and worrying more, or what. Which brings me to think about being pushed into the real world and outside the college bubble. I just feel so stripped of youthfulness and I have this scary feeling of constantly needing to be a grown up. This anxiousness is getting in the way of me being truly happy and I just need to not worry as much about things. I can’t get away for a vacation because I have no money thanks to bills and even when I try to relax I’m constantly thinking and thinking, resulting in worrying. Someone said it has to do with being in San Francisco right now, because this is such a crazy place to live at the moment. It is just so goddamn expensive and extremely hard for me to see myself on my own here. I wish all these tech assholes would move out and let me rent an affordable place! I am juggling 3 different places where I sleep, I hardly see my mom because she lives so far, and I feel stuck almost, going to work, coming home, being tired, and not ever going out. I feel bad because I’ve been snappy with Drew, which he doesn’t deserve, and he worries about me a lot, which I also feel bad about. This is such a weird time in my life but I’m glad to hear a few of my friends feel the same way. Planning things with my girls definitely helps because they remind me of who my true family is and that our relationship will never change no matter what phase we are in life. *vent sesh over*
According to Maria’s mom, it’s Drew’s doppelganger! lol! love it